Tourist annoyances: 10 things that drive me crazy

Tourists at Rome's Trevi Fountain.
Tourists at Rome’s Trevi Fountain. Wikipedia photo

In Venice I once saw a poster of two couples sitting in a gondola. It’s an idyllic scene, dripping with romance. It’s on a back canal. No other boats or people are in sight. The gondolier is rowing them between beautiful ornate palaces, all back lit by the setting sun.

And all four people are looking at their cell phones.

It’s one of the things that annoys me about tourists. But it’s only one of them. I have a long list, With tourist season kicking into high gear in July, and inspired by travel blogger Nomadic Matt’s own list, I am jotting down the 10 biggest things tourists do that piss me off. 

These don’t just apply to tourists in Rome. Through 47 years of international travel, I’ve seen a lot that make me want to scream, “Go home!” Yes, I sound like an old guy screaming, “Get off my lawn!” but read this list, in order of annoyance, and tell me if you don’t agree.

Feel free to add others in the comments box below.

Refuse to try the local language

The best way to respect a culture is through language. If you can remember the name of your hotel, you can remember how to say “Thank you” in the local language. It isn’t that difficult. You can learn it – as well as “How much?” “Do you have …?” and “Where is …?” – on the plane ride in. 

Italians don’t care. But they’re thrilled if you try. The French care. They should. They have the most beautiful language in the world and expect you to learn a few words. I fume when I hear tourists say “Thank you” instead of “Grazie.” 

I once took a Nebraska woman, who’d never been out of the U.S., to Bali. She refused to say Terima kasih, Indonesian for “Thank you.” And she refused to say why. It drove me crazy, and I never saw her again.

Burying heads in their cell phone

Seven years ago I was in the Republic of Georgia and climbed up to see Holy Trinity Church, a beautiful church hanging off a cliff and built in the 14th century to hide treasures during foreign invasions. The back of the church has a spectacular view of the snow-capped Caucasus mountains and the village of Kazbegi below.

As I stood there in silent awe, a bus disgorged a horde of tourists who ran to the back of the church. I saw one woman who posed for about 10 different photos with her back to the scenery. She never once looked at it.

It reminds me of football coaches when asked what they thought of a certain player after a game: “I don’t know. I’ll have to wait and see the film.” Some selfie-snapping tourists don’t know if they had a good vacation until after they see the film.

Body odor

It’s July. It’s hot. It’s tourist season. It’s crowded. How did deodorant not become part of some countries’ culture? Traveling in Rome’s crowded buses, subways and trams is like swimming underwater. You must hold your breath, particularly with so many arms up holding rails and straps.

These tourists shower. They just don’t use deodorant. It works, people. When you get hot, the applicant holds. 

The biggest offenders seem to be Northern and Eastern Europeans. You’d think their husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends would tip them off. 

Americans are fat, but we are clean.

Brag about getting off beaten path

Just because you found a restaurant that isn’t listed in Lonely Planet doesn’t mean you’re Ferdinand Magellan. Quit bragging about visiting places you can barely pronounce.

Yes, I like going to places few have gone. I can’t wait to visit Turkmenistan in September. But there is nothing wrong with spending a week in Paris. Or Rome. I just returned from Scotland where I visited for the second time, and I saw things I’d never seen before.

When I first started traveling, I was in the Cairo Youth Hostel and met a Welshman and his girlfriend who’d been in Egypt for a week. I asked what they thought of the Pyramids.

“We’re not going,” he said. “They’re too touristy.”

Come on!

I was once eating in Kerala, the beautiful corner state in southwest India where sugary sand beaches line the shore and discrepancy of wealth and population density are the lowest in India. I started talking with a corn-rowed American Indophile, one of those travelers who’s a snob about India.

We disagreed on Kerala. She was actually offended by how organized and orderly it was. “It’s not the real India,” she said.

Oh, yeah? You want the real India? Twenty-five percent of India’s population lives below the poverty line. Go hang out in Mumbai’s slums for a few days. That’s the real India.

Country counters

This is a relatively new one. Organizations such as NomadMania, Most Traveled People and even my own Travelers’ Century Club have apps and checklists where people can count how many places they’ve been. Some  have even given themselves a name.

Country counters. Not travelers. Country counters.

Some — not most — have turned traveling into a scavenger hunt. They’re traveling with a checklist. I read about one guy who visited nine island countries in the Caribbean in 10 days. He was applauded online like he snorkeled across the Pacific.

A guide in Algeria told me he once drove a traveler for three or four hours to a region that was on his list. The traveler got out, took a photo of himself next to the sign and the guide drove him back to Algiers. 

It has become competition. People are flying all over the world just to mark off a country on an app’s map then see how many places others have been. As one member of my TCC said, “It’s cutthroat travel.”

I’m not saying these people don’t have experiences. They do. But some decide on destinations based on where they haven’t been. That’s fine. I shouldn’t judge people on why they travel. But don’t judge me on how many places I’ve been.

Judge me by my experiences.

Asking for hotel recommendations

I’ve railed about this in the past but it still makes my list. I’ve lived in Rome for 11 years, 13 over two stints. I’ve always lived in apartments. I have no idea about hotels. Marina and I have spent one-night “staycations” in five Rome hotels over the years but it’s an extremely limited list.

I lived in Denver for 23 years and have no clue where someone should stay. I hear the Hyatt is good. I don’t know.

One rich snob from my high school class had the audacity to ask for a recommendation of a five-star hotel in Rome. I told him it’s called Booking.com.

Budget travelers

This is a hard one to list because I was a budget traveler for years. I still travel with a backpack. When traveling alone, I will scrimp on hotels. I believe the more you spend on a hotel, the further you get from the local culture.

But some budget travelers judge their traveling chops – and mine – by how long they spend on the road and how little money they spend. I met one American in my budget hotel in Fez, Morocco. He’d been in Fez for two weeks. I asked him for a restaurant recommendation.

He had no idea. He only left the hotel to buy food he prepared in the hotel kitchen. He’d done absolutely nothing. And buying and preparing your own food is not getting into the local culture. You’re eating what you ate at home. Restaurants introduce you to national dishes.

Souvenir T-shirts

I know the appeal. When I was a sports and travel writer in the U.S., I had a T-shirt collection of places I’ve been and colleges I’ve visited on assignment. But I wore them at home, not when I traveled.

We look like tourists enough. Wearing them when we travel makes us look like we just stepped off an American Express bus. They scream Ugly American. They make us targets of pickpockets.

Thieves don’t care if you went to Michigan State.

Not respecting local food customs

This is reserved for Italy as I’ve experienced 13 years of grotesque offenses that really should be dealt with by public flogging. Please note, when in Italy:

  • Do not order a cappuccino after 11 a.m. It’s strictly a breakfast drink. It’s heavy. Italian breakfasts are light, like the population.
  • Do not put parmesan on pizza. Italian pizzas are more natural. They are simpler than American pizzas but have more flavor. Adding parmesan insults the pizzeria, not to mention yourself.
  • Do not ask for butter with your bread. Italians use olive oil. They rarely use butter except on the rare occasion when they cook with it. Don’t believe me? Look at the size of the people compared to Americans.
  • Do not ask for fettuccine Alfredo or spaghetti with meatballs. Fettuccine Alfredo was invented at Alfredo alla Scrofa in Rome but served hardly anywhere else. And meatballs are called polpette and served separately.

Bargaining cheapskates

I see this in third world countries where bargaining in markets is the norm. I’ve seen rich Westerners screaming at local merchants over the equivalent of 50 cents. OK, great. You bought a painting for your price and didn’t budge off it. Was it worth making the merchant curse your country forever more?

Bargaining should be fun. If the merchant makes a little money, too, I’m happy for him or her. Don’t turn an international exchange into an international incident. Decide what you’ll pay for something and if the merchant gets close to your price, pay it. 

We’re all ambassadors to our home countries. Respect that responsibility.